I Am A Big Fish
by Kristen Stevens
Big fish don’t waste energy.
I am fishing in the 10,000 islands with some friends and learning a lot about fish behavior and why they do what they do. We were in a spot where we were not getting any bites and moved elsewhere. My wise fishing guide (probably the sassiest man I have ever met, dear and generous, a renaissance man) took us to a new place where we had lots of fish hungry and on the line. He pointed out that we were getting more interest here because the water was moving. I asked why and he explained that when the water moves it brings the little fish that the big fish like to eat and the big ones just get to sit there and let the fish come to them. The more experienced fish know that where there is moving water, there is food and they don’t even have to work for it. They just hang out, grow and get fat.
Big fish don’t waste energy.
That comment wasn’t from my friend, it was from God.
Something about that phrase stuck with me. It stayed in my head for the next few hours we were on the water… because I am a big fish, but I have wasted a lot of energy in my life because I didn’t KNOW I was a big fish and I didn’t know how to act like one. I am really good at acting like a little fish who is always working on figuring out how to get my next meal and, even though I know what size fish I am now, I continue to act small sometimes without even realizing it. I get anxious and worry and ruminate over things that I have no control over. I give things to Papa God and then take them back again. I say I trust and then I come up with a million ways to make sure something works out the way I want it to.
When I say big, I do not mean proud, stuck up, important, or famous. I mean being ALL of who God made me to be. I don’t care if people know who I am or ever hear my name. What matters to me is filling up all the space in this world that Papa created me for, in the way that He wants me to fill up that expanse. I can’t get big if I am wasting energy trying to make things happen or focused on the things I can’t change. I won't grow if I see the problem, not the promise of a solution. I won't get spiritually older if I get stuck on ME having to figure out the problem (I usually suck at it) and I forget or quite frankly often ignore that I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR MAKING IT ALL WORK OUT.
I am wasting a lot of spectacularly delicious God-provided-calories that are right there for me to just open my mouth and receive. It is SO easy… but I often insist on making it hard.
Life is tough, complicated, exhausting at times, disappointing and sometimes feels just flat-out impossible. But how frequently does it feel that way because I am sitting in still water, searching aimlessly for food because I’m not the PROVIDER and I don’t know where the food is? What if I just swim on over to the moving water and hang out there, open my mouth, get fed and get FAT?!! Spiritually, emotionally, relationally fat. That sounds kind of perfect.
I don’t need to waste energy reliving and rehashing my mistakes when Papa said He forgave me.
I don’t need to waste energy trying to provide for my own needs when He said He has a feast for me.
I don’t need to waste energy feeling helpless and weak when He says He IS my strength.
I don’t need to waste energy wanting people to approve of me or agree with me because Jesus says He loves me the way I am.
I don’t need to waste energy running around without direction when HS says He’ll tell me the way if I just have ears open to hear and eyes open to see.
I just need to get my little fishy tail over to the moving water and settle in the current and let all His goodness come to me.
There, I will get fat.
I will stop doing things I don’t need to do.
I will have what I need to fulfill all the plans He has for me.
I will have abundance for others.
You are a big fish too.
Every one of us is. Please never believe the lie that you are just a little fish needing to fight your way through this life. Don’t let any word that you are small take root in your soul. It is simply not true. You were made to completely fill the capacious, generous, palatial area that Papa planned for you from the very start. You were not made to be shrunken, dull and wilted even though the devil would love for you to believe it. If you do, then he can just ignore you as you search desperately day in and day out for food… and eventually starve and exhaust yourself to death.
YOU are a big fish.
Big fish don’t waste energy.
Stop wasting energy.
I am going to stop… starting NOW.
Watch how fat I get!!
Come hang out in the Moving Water with me...
About the Writer: Kristen Stevens is one of MAP Global’s board members and you can read more by her over at: https://www.gobreathelife.com/