Building the Dream
by Kristen Stevens
It has been probably pretty close to a year since I wrote a blog about my dream for my ministry. It was an act of faith to put down on paper what I felt Papa was showing me and honestly a bit on the scary side for a recovering performance-based girl like me. What if I define this and I never even get close to accomplishing it? Is that a failure? Does that speak to my worth? I asked myself these and other questions but in the end the vision burned too brightly in my head for me to not write the words, so I did.
And here we are a year later… and things are actually happening!!
The quick and sweet info is that the clinic is part-way built-- YEP, that is it in the picture. It is being built in Lalar village as we hoped and it will be done in just a few weeks. OneDay Health whom we are partnering with will be starting a search for a nurse to run the clinic. They will train them and supervise him or her and I expect the clinic will be up and running in January 2020. Hard to believe but beautifully true!
I did not really think that I would make it back to Gulu in 2020, BUT, that is also happening. I have been tossing it around like a poor little ship in the sea of my mind where the waves were way too rough (timing, work schedules, kid schedules, finances, etc, etc, etc.) but somehow, in the last week, it has all come together. I’ll be going in January and will be able to, along with Global Seed Planters and OneDay Health, have an opening celebration to welcome the local people to the clinic. Don’t know exactly what that will look like yet, but some potential ideas are free de-worming and HIV testing. This makes me giggle. No bouncy houses or popcorn and cotton candy, but something else sooo valuable to them. I think I will try to make sure we have something fun to hand out to the kids, though, too!!
So the other part of the dream that I had written out a year ago was about not only building one clinic, but learning all the logistics involved with reproducing the clinics all over the world. I envisioned an office of dedicated people researching health rules and regulations of various countries, people setting up site visits for ministries requesting a clinic and all around motivated happy busyness. This took place in the setting of a warm and comfy but high tech office attached to a coffee and prayer house with lots of live music. Have not made big strides there exactly… but SOME strides.
This is where the heart lesson comes in. This is where I’m going to be pretty open and vulnerable. When I got back from Africa last year my life got a little complicated. My husband and I separated and it probably doesn’t even need to be said that nothing is easy about that but add in 5 kids and over 20 years and all that goes along with splitting up 7 lives, it has been a rough 10 months. There have been days when I was pretty sure I was not going to make it and days when I felt more peaceful than I have in a long time. Essentially a rollercoaster of any and every emotion, more self-awareness and processing than I have ever done before and y’all, it is exhausting. It has also been fruitful. Tragedy is wasted when nothing changes, but it can redeem a lot if you are willing to put the work in.
At the moment, I think all 7 of us are adjusted and probably would even say happy. As separations and divorces go, I guess this has gone ok? No good word, but there you go. I have no illusions that there will not be a long term impact on our entire family from this but I do also want you to know there have been bright spots too. I believe my kids and I are communicating better and I am being a better mom. I am cherishing life more and wow, have I learned a lot about myself!! Much of it NOT what I would call beautiful or lovely.
One of those things is my tendency toward belittling myself-- as in, “I am worthless, what do I have to offer”. Super not pretty, right? A bit whiny and victimy even, but when it is your core feeling at the moment it carries a lot of weight. It has been something I have struggled with all my life (remember, recovering performance-based girl) and it certainly (why thank you satan, yeah, kick me when I’m down) has reared it’s ugly head in this season.
In all of that, this whole clinic thing has been on the back burner… and sometimes it’s even felt like the burner was all the way off. The Global Seed Planters team has really done 90% of the work in getting the clinic to become a reality and I am so grateful that they did not give up. Their efforts are producing real fruit with solid walls and a cement floor and a metal roof where people will get healed. The other dream though… the one where I learn how to do this on a bigger scale has also been put away, buried under a lot of other things that rightfully took my time and energy.
And then Papa…
Long story short I am working with OneDay Health in Gulu and starting OneDay Health US here in America-- a 501c3 charity that will spread the mission of OneDay Health to make excellent health care a reality in remote villages, hopefully around the world. It seemed like a great solution to my desire to be involved without having to be in Africa and I was honored to be asked. I hope to be a storyteller for OneDay Health and fundraise to build many more clinics (ha ha this is quite funny if you know my old pretend-introverted self, hate speaking in crowds and hate asking for money) and it is obviously a place where God is asking me to push the boundaries of what I think I can do and do well.
I have felt pretty competent about all of this until Dr. Nick introduced me to a gentleman who might be willing to serve on the OneDay Health US board. We email, he is lovely and will be a great addition. But oh, gosh… he is ridiculously accomplished and has done more in his short life than I have ever dreamed of. He’s changed the world for good. Like seriously just make it happen world changing! Who am I to think that I should even be worthy to talk to him let alone work with him (hear that snakey lie from the pit of hell?). I roil around in this self-disgust for awhile until Papa speaks to me so sweetly through a friend.
This friend and I communicate often through a magical app called marco polo. You get to leave video messages and talk your head off and the other person gets to listen to it when they want and they talk their head off back at you. So I dump a good 20 min of words on her that I can assure you are not cohesive or well laid out. They are just word-vomit from my scaly heart. Her reply is this: “What I hear Papa saying to you is that He has really big plans for you, really big assignments, and this new guy, he has already walked down a lot of the roads that you will need to to get where Papa wants you to be. Papa sent him to help you accomplish your assignment.”
WOW. What floods into my mind? My coffee/prayer house/office. The bustle of the place as people are doing the things that need to be done to BUILD CLINICS AND SERVE PEOPLE. The dream I kind of forgot about, or at least gave up on ever being likely to happen. The God of the universe sent me a new friend who can partner with me and the other board members to DO THIS.
Last night there was worship at my church. Mmmmmm, loud, powerful, joyful, THEM. My happy place. What do we sing? -- “Your goodness is running after, it’s running after me.” Over and over and over and over. I have an ear to ear grin because that is my God-- takes me through the hardest year of my life, rushes my ministry dream back to the front of the very hot stove and ties it all up in a bow with a personal message for me. “I’m running after you. I won’t stop. I will never, ever stop. Together with Me, you can do anything I have planned for you. I promise.”
THIS is my Papa--He was building the dream even when I had to take a break. When it’s His dream too, He doesn’t stop when we do.
I’m grateful to be here.
I’ll keep you posted!!